Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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