My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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