I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
