I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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