dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
