The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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