He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
