you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
