i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
