anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
