I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
