Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That accounts for only three of the penises
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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