YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
