We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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