My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
