he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
