I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
