Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
