I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
