Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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