the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
