he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
