I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
even my farts smell like vagina
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
