Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
