So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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