Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
