I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
