Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
