plz talk dirty to me
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
