he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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