I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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