even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
