My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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