Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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