Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
