Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We're not piercing ourselves today.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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