Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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