he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
