They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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