Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
