Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
