Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
