After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
