there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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