i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
