if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am available for nakedness
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
