I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
