So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
