Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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