I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
