shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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