fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
