There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
