i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
