First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
