I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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